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Deadprogrammerbashi

Mon, 08/11/2003 - 12:37 — deadprogrammer

I have many role models. But when I was writing that post I forgot about a few people. One of them is Saparmurat Turkmenbashi.

Saparmurat Niyazov is the fearless leader of Turkmenistan, aka First and Lifetime President of Turkmenistan High Commander of the Army Saparmurat Turkmenbashi. Turkmenbashi is a honorific, meaning Father Of All Turkmen. Few leaders in the history of mankind can come even close to achievements of Turkmenbashi:

  • Ordered all statues of Themis to be remade in the image of his mother.
  • Ordered the horse on the coat of arms of Turkmenistan to be replaced with the likeness of his favorite horse
  • Renamed the month of January into Turkmenbashi, April into Kurban Saltan Edje (Turkmenbashi’s mother), September into Runham (Title of Turkmenbashi’s book)
  • Renamed the city of Krasnovodsk into Turkmenbashi.
  • Changed names of the streets in Ashabad into numbers, starting with 2000 “to symbolize a new era in the life of Turkmen People”. Some streets kept ther names though. Those were Turkmenbashi Street, Turmenbashi’s Mother’s street and Tukmenbashi’s Father’s street.
  • Disbanded Ballet Theater of Turkmenistan because ballet “is not in Turkmen’s blood”.
  • Prohibited sitizens of Ashbad from having more than one cat or dog, thus eliminating the problem of cat ladies.
  • Turkmenbashi is a master detective. After he was told that he survived an assassination attempt from some people in a KAMAZ truck who were armed with an assault rifle, he immediately named the perpetrators. They were VP Boris Shihmuradov, Agriculture Minister Imamberdi Yklymov and the President of Central Bank Hudayberdi Orazov. Overall about 100 people were arrested and most of them convicted.

    Turkmenbashi is probably the most important writer and philosopher ever, comparable maybe only to [info]mrmustard. He wrote an amazing book called Holy Ruhnama (Book of the Soul). Revel in the genius of Turkmenbashi:

  • “Length of beard is a sign of stupidity. This is because beard grows from the brain. The longer the beard - the less brain matter a person has. Less brain matter - less wisdom. Less wisdom - stupidity.”

  • “Market economy - we are approaching it”
  • “Don’t commit a crime! Change your mind! Change your mind!”
  • “Only a Turkmen can make a Turkmen out of a Turkmen.”
    (I translated these quotes from a post in [info]ruhnama_studies)

    Ruhnama is compulsory reading for all students in Turkmenistan. In fact, Ruhnama is it’s own subject.

    One day I want to be known as Deadprogrammerbashi. That will be so sweet! But for now I will probably undertake a deep study of Holy Ruhnama and Turkmenbashi’s poetry. I should also start writing poems in honor of Turkmenbashi. I wonder, if I write him a letter with a poem, will he answer?

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    Comments

    Tue, 10/10/2006 - 23:04 — Anonymous

    it is a sad fate that the most attention turkmenistan gets from outside is “quirky” comments about Niyazov.
    he is not a joke. he has destroyed education, the health care system, free speech, the possibility of stability and a normal life (at least some very basic elements of it such as enough food and lack of fear) for people in turkmenistan. it isnt that funny


    Thu, 06/05/2008 - 17:57 — Anonymous (not verified)

    Wow, you could almost be describing another person who get comments made about his quirkiness...

    Good old Dubya...

    I mean... let's see...
    - Destroyed:
    - Education... well check..."No child left behind" didn't work so well
    - The Health Care System... check...
    - Free Speech... check
    - Stability and a normal life...at least for people in New Orleans, check
    - Enough food and lack of fear... check, terror alert orange!


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