Tag: New York

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Meanwhile, in the Butter Dimention 3

I truly believe in parallel dimensions. Come on, how else can we explain the great missing sock mystery? Subjected to about 100 G in your washing machine, socks, being one of the smallest articles of clothing, simply disappear from our dimension and drift into another.

Jerry Seinfeld has an alternative theory involving a dryer: “The dryer is their only chance to escape and they all know it. They plan it in the hamper the night before. “Tomorrow, the dryer. I’m going”” I don’t buy that , because it implies that socks are sentient.

Socks may be the most common interdimentional travelers, but other objects can disappear and reappear under normal conditions.

Interdimentional police is looking for the following items on my request.
* A book “Barbarians Led By Gates”. I’ve read half of it, and then it disappeared into the Ether. Damn, it’s a good book. I’ll have to order another one.

* My titanium wedding band. I am not sure about interdimentional travel here because a) I’ve lost a lot of weight and it could have slipped of my now thinner finger on a fishing trip or b) the cat could have eaten it.

* A book of Russian translations of Japanese science fiction writers. Disappeared years ago. I was in the middle of an interesting story.

* A book about fishing in the Black Sea (also in Russian)

* “Harvey Wang’s New York”. Black and white photo book purchased in Strand bookstore.

I think that books and rings possess a special shape, which encounters the least resistance slipping into interdimentional space. Donuts probably too. I’ve seen three dozen Krispy Kremes disappear in under a minute.

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Live, From New York (actually Brooklyn) It’s

Weekend Update With Michael!

I spent most of Friday night upgrading my Tivo with a new 120 meg drive, which should give me 30 hours of recording capacity at best quality. I copied the data from my old dual drives onto one big one and tested the drive in Tivo. Everything’s ok, but I still need to install TivoWeb.

On Saturday I was finishing up what I call my Great Fight With The Wall Warts and Holy Insurgency Against Wire Mayhem. I’ll write about that later, it might be useful to you.

I also went shopping for fishing gear and spent a buttload of money.
Among the things I bought:
Seeker BA 30 7′ rod
Newell S 338 – 3.6 reel
Guy Cotten SuperKodiak Pullover
Buncha other fishing paraphenelia.

The pullover is really, really nice. It’s the kind professional fishermen wear. It has neoprene cuffs, very warm fleece on the top and fleece covered by PVC on the bottom and sleeves. Just what the doctor ordered for winter fishing.

Interesting thing is, the size of it is pretty much inflated. I am an XL, but in no way am I an XXL. The sizes were probably selected just to stroke the ego of commercial fishermen.

Ok, gotta go sleep, the boat is leaving at 7, and it’s already 2, no, wait, 1:15. Cool, daylight savings dealy is working it’s magic!

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YASR! – Yet Another Subway Rant.

Here I am again on a train with the conductor who spews wisdom out of the loudspeaker. Guess what – bulky packages and bikes are prohibited from all train cars except the last one. An it’s a law. Not only a state law, but also a federal law – he says.

Speaking of laws. You know that little tag attached to the mattress, that says “don’t remove under the penalty of law”? The one that gave so much material to untalented comedians? Well, it only applies to the salespeople and the manufacturer. The current tags even say “except by the consumer”.

Holy crap, there is a whole industry for making those tags, and they even have an official name – “law and care tags”!

Memorable Quote: “We keep abreast of the latest bedding laws to answer any questions our customers may have in regards to the various state or Canadian laws.
“

Heh, heh :)

MTA cops are much more serious than the mattress police though. And they some things they’ll ticket you for are not advertised. For instance, smoking on an open air platform will cost you a $50 ticket. I’ve read in a book that MTA repeatedly denied requests of consumer advocates to put up “no smoking” signs there. Why would they spend money and loose an important revenue stream? From the frequency with which I see people getting these tickets on Kings Highway, I think it’s more profitable than the metrocard sales.

I bet tema is going to get a ticket like that when he’ll visit New York.

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Manhattan Bridge Workers

This morning I have seen a guy actually _working_ on the Manhattan Bridge. Not eating donuts, not drinking coffee; not standing around looking at stuff or walking to or from the truck. Actually doing something. There were many others doing the things I described, but one was working! Amazing.

The dude is working on Manhattan Bridge Rehabilitation Program. Manhattan bridge is the youngest and crappiest of the four bridges. There are more trains running on one side of it then on the other, and because of that it twists and cracks. It also rusts horribly. The Rehabilitation program is sucking money like crazy and is scheduled to last from 2002 to 2004, meanwhile making my long commute even longer. Come on dude, hurry up!

Another thing that I noticed today was that they’ve got the biggest port-a-potty I’ve ever seen. Taking a crap on Manhattan Bridge is a rather unique experience I assume.

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Japanese Grocery

I’ve found a really nice Japanese grocery on 43d street between 6th and Broadway. It’s a bit on the expensive side, but the selection is really good. They have raw fish for sashimi, a dozen different types of umeboshi, huge selection of teas, condiments and many other things any japanophile can appreciate. They even have Japanese cigarettes. I’ve purchased the tastiest green tea ever, Kikkoman “extra fancy” soy souse ($3 for a tiny little bottle), some umeboshi, bonito flakes, bonito soup base and a few other things.

Sam Bok Groceries
127 West 43 Street
New York, NY 10036
212 221-0845
10am – 9pm Mon-Sun

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View From the “Office” of Deadprogrammer


One thing that I see daily from the scratched window of my mobile “office” is the Clock Tower Building. Basically it’s a building in a neighborhood called DUMBO (a cutesy acronym for “Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass”). Many recently formed New York neighborhoods have cutsy acronym names. Like SoHo copycats NoLita (North of Little Italy) and NoHo (North of Houston). They remind me of dying internet consulting companies Scient, Viant and Sapient and probably already dead members of Politburo Zaikov, Slunkov and Vorotnikov (they were always mentioned together).

Clock Tower or Clocktower building used to be called “Gair Building No. 7” after Robert Gair, inventor of the corrugated cardboard box.

The building has a unique feature – a penthouse apartment with windows in a form of a clock. Which actually shows time.

The view from there is amazing. I think it’s a bargain at 4 million bucks.

I’ve rented my apartment sight unseen after the asshole real-estate agent showed me another apartment in the same building which had an OK view of Brooklyn. What I didn’t realize was that my apartment was facing another building. Yeah, I am a sucker for views.

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The Boldest

Ok, so last morning I was sitting in my window office. The guy next to me opened an exam preparation book and started reading. He was studying to become a member of New York’s Boldest. One of the questions caught my eye:

What is the most important quality in a corrections officer:

a) Physical strength
b) Not being afraid of anything
c) Quick reaction time
d) Intelligence

and another one:

What should the correction officer’s attitude towards inmates be?

a) Suspicious
b) Fraternal
c) Impartial
d) Indifferent

The official correct answers are probably d and c, but I think it’s actually c and a in real life.

Here is what I found on the Net:


Preview a typical Correction Officer training program.
-Interpersonal Communication
-Hostage Survival
-Special Inmates
-Objective Observation and Report Writing
-Security Skills
-Transportation of Inmates
-Fire Prevention
-Crime Scene Preservation

Cool.
I bet this sort of training is even more relevant in corporate culture. Just replace “inmates” with “coworkers”.
I think there is a decent store of psych warfare knowledge in these training books, I should get some for my library.

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Good, Better, the Best / Never have a rest / ‘Till Good becomes Better and / Better becomes the Best

That was a little rhyme that my English teacher used to help us remember irregular forms of adjective “best”.

In New York cops are called “New York’s Finest” and firefighters are called “New York’s Bravest”.

But let’s not forget about the lesser known adjective described services:

NYC Department of Sanitation Workers: “New York’s Strongest”
Corrections Officers : “New York’s Boldest”
TLC Enforcement Officers : “New York’s Proudest”
EMS drivers and paramedics : simply “New York’s Best”.

And they are all exactly that, and more.