LJ user avva mentioned in his journal that he is ashamed of the fact that there was never a manned Mars mission. Also our beloved overlord keeps talking about a Mars mission. So on my lunch break I dug around in my email and found an old dream of mine that never made Jesse Reclaw’s Slow Wave:
There I was on Mars with four other astronauts. I fell into a red sand dune (kind of like quicksand). I remember hating the guts of some other astronaut, who helped me out of it, because I could have easily gotten out myself. It just made me look bad on TV.
I was also tremendously pissed off at NASA. You see, their moronic plan of getting us off the planet was this: one astronaut would have a small rocket pack (and that wasn’t me). The others would grab his arms and legs, he would turn on the rocket pack and we would fly into low orbit. There we would find a small refueling craft (something like a barrel of fuel). With that fuel we would be able to reach our spacecraft in higher orbit. Faster, cheaper, better my ass — I thought.
More on the subject of my bathrobe. Turns out that it’s possible to order an authentic NASA nametag, like the one astronauts wear. In fact, these nametags are made by special order (it takes a couple of weeks) by the same company that makes them for NASA.
So now my bathrobe is decorated with this:
Now I need to file an astronaut application (see my old post about that), get a rejection and frame it.
According to How To Become an Astronaut FAQ I need to do the following:
- If you aren’t a US citizen, become one; that is a must. — Check
- Forget computer programming entirely; it will be done from the ground for the foreseeable future. — — Wait a minute. Forgetting, forgetting, OK, done.
- Practice public speaking, and be conservative and conformist in appearance and actions; — Does Live Journal Count?
- Get a Ph.D —Nah, too lazy.
- Be in good physical condition, with good eyesight. — Mmmm, that’s tough
- The image you want is squeaky-clean workaholic yuppie. — Yuppies in Space, now that’s interesting
But I am applying anyway, even if just to get a rejection letter.
Maybe I am never going to get to use a space toilet, but I am buying these for long fishing trips.
Now, this is disturbing.