My wife owns a copy of “The Art Book“. I do not remember which one of us noticed the following brilliant example of art criticism:
Female torso, bananas, arcade that looks like two tunnels, train. Yep, that all adds up to exotic travel.
So, It’ve Come To This….
I thought I’ve developed a bit of a strategy in buying computers for non-techie relatives and friends.
First of all I always tell them to get a laptop. The huge benefit of laptops for me is that it can be brought over for servicing. You can’t imagine how many hours of sitting at an uncomfortable “computer” table in a rickety “computer” chair away from my tools, network jacks, a plain, comfortable table and an Aeron chair this saved me while fixing stuff.
The Internet today reminds me NYC subway in the 70es: a place full of graffiti, foul smell, filth, physical danger and a general sense of lawlessness. Gone are the days when you could help your non-techie relative pick a computer, hook it up, install an email client and a browser and be done with it. Viruses still propagated mostly on floppy drives. Those were the times.
Now my process involves installation of an external backup, hardware and software firewalls, an antivirus, Adaware, Spybot Search and Destroy, getting all the windows updates and teaching the non techie how to maintain this bevy of protective tools. Oh, and most importantly, password protected all accounts and remove administrative privileges from the ones to be used on a daily basis. And set up Firefox as the default browser.
Did you read up to here? Sorry, all of that stuff is crap. It’s pointless. I have a relative’s laptop thoroughly screwed by Outlook viruses sitting on my desk waiting for my non-loving hand to proove that. The firewall stopped them from calling out, but it seems like one of the virii somehow had its privileges elevated and locked out the admin account. Arrrrrgh, this be driving me nuts!
The purchase of the laptop in question happened before my universal advise to people who just want to browse the web and read email became to get a Mac. I am tired of cleaning out computers infested up to the gills with the wiliest stuff. I am desperate enough to try Linux now.
I guess all I really need is Mozilla, Open Office, some CD player, wrap all of that in some kiosk-like windowing environment and I’m done. Or am I?
Oh Yeah, That’s a Mystery
A Soviet detective would figure this out in a second – those people are using color copiers at work which cost them nothing. “Techno-maniac”. Hah. In Soviet times there were cases where people would pour out wine and soft drinks out of bottles stolen at work to get the deposit.
Alien Overlord And Tailor
Ever Onward I.B.M !
There is a moment in “Pirates of Silicon Valley when white shirt/black tie drones sing a part of “Our I.B.M Salesmen” song from the I.B.M’s official songbook:
“I. B. M., Happy men, smiling all the way.
Oh what fun it is to sell our products night and day.
I. B. M., Watson men, partners of T. J.
In his service to mankind-that’s why we are so gay”
I.B.M employees were singing those songs for a long time, and this is a well known piece of embarrassing corporate lore. In fact a few people scanned or typed up different versions of the songbook in question. The official band was disbanded in 2001, but it looks like IBM recently created an official “Music Reference Room” where you can see photos and listen to the music clips.
So, I wonder, how long before George Lucas will publish the Star Wars Christmas Special on DVD?
Corporate Memorabilia
It looks like I failed to attract any Microsoft readers, but I have at least two readers from the Big Blue. Let the pandering to the audience commence!
As those of you who actually read my journal might know that I used to work for a dot com agency called iXL where I had many unforgettable experiences.
(I finally found a metrocard that casa” posted in his journal a while ago).
Anyway, iXL had a logo that looked like this:
In the beginning it was a hip company – dress code was not enforced and neither was anyone required to come in at 9 AM. I don’t remember what it was, insistance on business casual or the mandatory 9AM meeting that made sysadmin named Lee to make enough of these buttons for everyone to wear in the 9AM meeting.
I Need A New Drugstore
One of the obsessive-compulsive habits that I have is paying close attention to merchandise and it’s displays while shopping in drugstores. Tandems, gondolas, impulse strips and POGs fascinate me. I use that and office supply shopping as a sort of therapy.
Recently I was in a dental product isle looking at mouthwashes. Finally I picked Rembrandt Plus Peroxide Whitening Rinse. Thinking about how good a racket it must be if suckers like me pay $6-7 for a small bottle of “Purified Water, Glycerin, Hydrogen Peroxide Solution, Sodium Citrate, Cremophor RH 40, Flavor, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, Citric Acid, Sodium Benzoate, Sodium Saccharin, Sodium Hydroxide”. Hey, I though. This is stupid. I can make my own mouthwash! I can pick my own surfactants, humectants and astringents. Apparently I wasn’t the first one who got that idea.
I will let you know how Deadprogrammer brand non-alcohol, caffeinated, sucralose-sweetened mouthwash will come out.
Fux Delux
I really, really want to smack the makers of Timbuk2 messenger bags for not making a camera inserts for their otherwise superior bags. And I really, really, really want to smack the makers of Crumpler which do make idiotically named camera inserts for the moronic descriptions that they provide on their website.
Like a bunion goes on a foot, the Bunion Insert goes in ya bag. It grows in there; it’s a padded happy chamber but removable. While it’s in there it sucks all your camera gear inside, turns it into pus then miraculously restores it back into your gear when you open the lid”
Silly me, worrying if the insert has enough space for my camera or wondering if it would be easy to take the camera out, or wondering if the partitions are removable. “Turns it into pus”. Yup, that’s useful.
Prize for idiocy goes to the description of the Supersnipe bag:
“Oooh, pap, you got an interesting Idea. It’s a Super Snipe. You could try that, papa, coodin you? Can I have a go, papa? Mmmm, we can find us some bear, papa, some bear…furry good, yessir.”
Arrrgh, I want to give them some of my money, but they are driving me nuts.
What I Learned At Work Today
My cubicle neighbor told me that Krispy Kreme is coming out with a drinkable doughnut. That’s right: doughnuts in liquid form. Great.
Then in the meeting I learned a new word. “Portlet”. A small cute pig is a piglet, a small wave is a wavelet and a small portal is – ta da! – a portlet. Also could be a small port (software, hardware or naval).
That’s it. I just thought I’d share this knowledgelet.
Watch Out, Burt Rutan
Walking down Sheepshead Bay Road in Brooklyn I noticed this sign a few times. Are they really researching and building spacecraft or is it just a stupid name for a custom car shop or some such? I looke them up on the web – nothing. I could give them a call of course…
