There’s No Cleopatra And There’s No Needle

Central Park contains an amazing artifact commonly referred to as “Cleopatra’s Needle”. It’s one of the many Egyptian obelisks scattered all around the world, and one of the two that used to stand in front of the Sun temple in Heliopolis. A second obelisk is located in London these days.

In general, Egyptian obelisks were moved around the globe by different governments kind of like a college statues by drunken frat boys. The Romans moved the two Cleopatra’s Needles to Alexandria, and then as gifts from the Egyptians to the Great Britain and the US, the were moved by British and American engineers to their current locations. Overall the moves turned out to be amazing feats of engineering, especially with the British overcomplicated scheme of building a pontoon around the obelisk and towing it with another ship.

You can find it right across from the Met, on the 5th Ave. side approximately between 81st and 82nd.

The pillar does not give an impression of being an element of the Sun god’s temple. The 3500 year old monolith is gloomy, foreboding and downright Lovecraftian. The shadow play at sunset is especially spooky (that’s what I tried to capture in the above picture).

Cleopatra has very little to do with either obelisks. They were built by king Tuthmosis III (well, the king probably had some help from his slaves). Later everybody’s favorite pharaoh, Ramses II, seeing how there was a lot of space left on the obelisks added some of his own “press releases” to it:

The writing looks like a story of an alien abduction (with the flying saucers and wavy tractor beams), but as it turns out these are normal hieroglyphics. “Bird , Bird , Giant Eye … Cat Head , guy doing this” and so forth. I thought that there were thousands of glyphs, but it turns out that they are just an alphabet. So the flying saucers on the picture are “R” sounds, and the “tractor beam” is an “H”.

I was surprised to see the pharaoh being referred to as “Lord of the Two Lands, User-maat-ra”. What was he a user of? Well, as it turns out all pharaohs have ridiculous system of 5 different names. I mean, come on, a Horus name and the Golden Horus Name!? (Horus happens to be the Sun god, the one with the falcon head ) User-maat-ra happens to be the throne name, the one that one that the Greeks transcribed as Ozymandias.

So he’s the king from Percy Shelly’s “Ozymandias” sonnet. Yup, good ol’ Ramses was kind of like Donald Trump – liked to build things and put his names on things. Also, like a rockstar or an NBA superstar he had sex with hundreds of women, siring hundreds of children as Durex Ramses condoms were apparently not available back then. Last but not least he was apparently the “7 cows dream” and “let my people go” pharaoh of the Bible.

Wha-what’s happening? I’m losing the crowd. Down to 201 “friends”.

It could be the obscure Mat Groening references, or the photos, or maybe the cubicle monkey. I don’t know, but continuing posting junk as planned. Here, at Deadprogrammer Light Industries we stopped caring about the consumer a long time ago.

Anyway, here are two absolutely excellent commercials that completely stuck in my mind. They totally make me want to drink Starbucks® Double ShotTM drinks in Puma® running shoes despite my knowledge that these are indeed inferior products.

Ok, maybe I am not going to start purchasing Starbucks® and Puma® products, but I do drive my wife nuts singing “Mike, Mike, Miiike! … And he knows one day he just might become … a Director ” and saying “Stick! Stick! Stick! Go! Go! Go!”.

Lyrics to “Glenn! Glenn! Glenn!” are a bit hard to understand, but actually pretty funny:

Glenn
Glenn Glenn Glenn
Glenn Glenn Glenn
Glen Glen Gleeeeeeenn

Glen’s the man going to work
Got his tie
Got ambition

Middle management is right in his grasp
It’s a dream he will never let die
Glen’s the man of the hour
He’s the king of his cube
Status com reports’ve finally met their rival
Burning candle at both ends on his way to the top
He knows one day he just could become …
Supervisor

Interestingly enough “status com reports” is only once referenced by google – and even at that on the site discussing “Glenn!” lyrics.

I also wonder why they chose such a sterile and clean bathroom and kitchen to use in the commercial. I mean, have you ever met a “Glenn” who would clean his apartment that clean?

Who Is The King Of New York Metrosexuals?

So, I sit down in my favorite seat on my favorite train and open the Fair und Balanced newspaper, ya? And what do I see? “Dmitry Paperny spends $60 a month more on grooming than fiancee Laura Rohrman.” And a full page photo of and his fiancee as an illustration to the article about metrosexuals. Yes, yes, according to the article is a full-on flaming metrosexual.

I have to say that being a closeted metrosexual myself, I mostly spend my money on books, electronics, bay items, tools, fishing stuff and cigars. I do have some Zirh “products” in the bathroom. So, , you go boy!

The Organized Labor

NYC Unions are rather well equipped. For instance they have this gigantic blowup rat that they use in demonstrations. It’s blue, it looks more like King Kong, but it’s a rat. It has a tail. Judging by it’s looks it gets a lot of use.

The strikers usually stand near the rat, dance, sing songs and chant “Scab! Scab!” at people who enter the building. When the morning rush is over they probably head to a coffee and donut place leaving a few people to guard the rat.

International Lets Come Out of the Woodwork and Surprise Michael Day

Yesterday was International Lets Come Out of the Woodwork and Surprise Michael Day. First my school chum from Odessa contacted me on ICQ and sent me some photos (this doesn’t happen more often than a few times a millennium). Then he gave me an ICQ number of another alumna of our school. Our school was regular good ‘ol School Number 39. But before the Revolution of 1917 it used to be a very prestigious school known as Madam Balen De Balu’s Gymnasium for Girls.

Interestingly enough both of my friends never even heard about LiveJournal. It seems to me that it’s not very well known in Odessa. That sucks.

Then my grandfather called me and said that a package arrived for me. From Bangor, Main. From King, S. Well, holy crap! You see, about 6 or 7 years ago I sent a couple of books for an autograph. I received my books back without a signature, but with a note that said that my name was put on a list and that I’d be sent a letter when it’d be my turn to get the autograph. Then the whole story with a van accident happened. I thought I’d never get my King autograph.

Well, guess what. He sent me a copy of Black House. A little note stated that Mr. King no longer signs books, but to honor his promise to me, Constant Reader, he is sending a book and a signed paper slip. The paper slip states, that even though it’s “computer generated, the signature is real”. The signature looks like an autopen to me, but I am not so sure. It does say “real” and King is a very decent person. Thank you, Mr. King.

Blackfish

Went fishing on Pastime Princess today. Caught 4 very nice keeper blackfish. The term “keeper” refers to the fact that blackfish can only be kept if they are over 14 inches. Had an interesting “double header” (a baseball derived term meaning two fish at a time). A blackfish took the hook and ran into it’s burrow in the shipwreck. I let the line hang for a minute or two and then lifted. At that moment a smaller blackfish took the second hook and probably helped be force the first one out of it’s hole. Had another doubleheader, but without a snag. Caught and released many “short” blackfish. Nice.

Now for the general randomness. I was napping in the hold of the ship. When I woke up, people near me were talking about “King’s” biography. For a moment there I naturally assumed that they were talking boxing. Well, it wasn’t Don King they were talking about. It was Stephen King. Hmm, a literary discussion in a hold of a fishing ship. How refreshing. I joined in and told them about Stephen King’s prodigy stepbrother, David King. One of the guys even read H.P. Lovecraft. And they were usual gruff, seasoned Brooklyn fishermen. Weird.

The catch filleted. Can you name my three favorite kitchen appliances on the counter?

Mmmm. Blackfish + butter + Keto brand low carb “breadcrumbs” + sea salt + “Pride of SZEGED” brand fish rub + my favorite Le Cruset pan = Mmm mm m

This came out great, but I am thinking about taking a fish cooking glass from a culinary school. I learn from books pretty well, but it would be cooler to get some instruction.

Oh yeah. Remember I wrote about natural lighting? Kitchen is the only place in my apartment still lit by crappy fluorescent lighting. That’s why the first picture looks so crappy. The range in illuminated by a GE Reveal bulb.