I am endlessly fascinated with vending machines, and being my old semi-autistic self like to study their contents. These days, trying to fight my way out of being overweight, the only thing I ever consume out of them is peanuts or trail mix. Still, I am amazed at how hard it is to get anything remotely healthy out of them.
I’ve seen an article once that described how to get a balanced meal out of a vending machine. All I have to say to that is – “Ha!”. So in the spirit of exploration I decided to figure out what is the single most unhealthy item you can get from them.
The placement of items in most of machines that I’ve seen at different workplaces follows the same pattern. Chips at the top, various snacks in the middle and ultrascary stuff at the bottom. The very last minirow is usually reserved for dried out rolls of lifesavers and gum.
The ultrascary items are the ones that I am interested in here. I have to admit that in the dot com years a consumed a couple of items from there. In fact I had a manager who publicly admitted his addiction to “Black Forrest Brownies” located there. I looked at the wrapper of the brownies and was absolutely scared of the fact that somebody managed to stick that much high calory crud into such a small package.
I checked the machine at work and promptly started the collection of scary vending machine food wrappers. I present to you the current champion:
The little “Eddie” character looks a little creepy, doesn’t he?
Wow, 40 grams of fat and 61 grams of carbs. Food of the gods!
I dare you to find something less healthy in your vending machine. If you do and send me a scan of the package I will send you a nice set of 3d photos of New York that I took and 3d glasses to view them.
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No, I did not see it. It’s not any more interesting than the dude who only drank Pepsi Holiday Spice for a while. Besides, there are people who have done that for longer periods of time. And also those who can whip out more infuriatingly slanted “documentaries”. So – meh.
Suffice to say the further from the source the worse it is! You can’t get any further from real food than the vending machine. Did you see that independent film (Super Size Me) where Morgan Spurlock eats nothing but McDonald’s food for 30 days? They track his weight and run blood tests and determine that he is killing his liver much the way that alcoholism does. The film supposedly also inclined McD’s to eliminate the Super Size from their menu…interesting…
A friend sent this link to me. I’ve been doing something similar with the refrigerated vending machine downstairs. Here is the archive of what I’ve eaten so far…
Awesome. The question is though, what’s the scariest list of ingridients and the highest calory count.
Actually, I was pleasantly surprised to find that “Super Size Me” is nearly free of polemics or slant. The three doctors he has evaluating his health certainly weren’t expecting anything unusual to happen to him. It’s worth watching, IMHO.
Eh, maybe I’ll see that on cable.
On the other hand I would find it surprising if the person eating like that would stay in normal health like that guy I mentioned in the reply above. Getting sick from overeating is nothing new — Comic Book Guy summed it up for everyone – “loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous combination”.
Not from a vending machine, but in the same class of unholy:
http://www.x-entertainment.com/articles/0744/